That is the question.
Or maybe it is no more a question than it is a routine,
something that has to happen as soon as you have your baby. It’s the norm to
have mummy come around when daughter has a baby. I never really understood this
tradition. Tradition is what comes to mind when I think about it.
My omugwo came to a sudden halt when Boobman was six
weeks old. Good thing I was paying attention in antenatal classes to be able to
carry the baton and do the do when mummy wasn’t available to pamper me. I did find
the whole experience a bit strange at first though.
I wasn’t bathing Boobman
myself, I wasn’t even bathing myself for the first few days. I was being served
breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed. Matter of fact, all I was doing was
breastfeeding Boobman, taking tons of pictures and making tons of videos. For
the first time in the history of my iPhone, I was getting ‘storage full’ alerts
constantly.
So, about the omugwo experience, I asked a lot of
questions about my own birth. Prior to birthing Boobman, I hadn’t bothered
about certain things concerning my own birth, but now it seemed I wanted to
know every tiny detail. I found out I wasn’t breastfed.
As in, my mouth didn’t
even touch a nipple. I started to believe that breastfeeding has something to
do with intelligence. Perhaps that’s the explanation for why I was such a‘dullinus’ throughout
my formal education experience. Ahhhh yes! It had to be that lack of breast
milk that made it hard for me to assimilate mathematics or sociology.
Then there was guilt. I like to do things for myself. I’m
not used to someone else doing everything for me especially when it comes to my
personal space. Sometimes I would feel guilty I wasn’t going into the kitchen
myself to prepare what I wanted to eat. Sometimes I would not want the baby
crying to wake mummy up at night.
Mum had to constantly explain to me that the
whole taking care of a new mummy thing was not peculiar to me. She said it was
normal and the mothers that do it take pride in being a granny… hmmm.
I still wasn’t buying all that. Not consciously but
subconsciously and when Boobman turned six weeks, Omugwo officially ended. We
were left to figure it all out. We here means the hubby and I.
For the fist two days or so I panicked. I wondered if I
was really ready to do all the things I thought I was ready for. I struggled
with bathing him same time morning and night. I was always tempted to punch the
hubby out of his sleep whenever Boobman did his night rounds and I was just
going through the motions almost getting detached from the miracle that was my
son.
One day, I woke up and made myself a little to do list.
It was going to serve as a routine for Boobman and I. While I couldn’t sleep
when the baby slept as I was advised, I could get some sanity in my life and
not look like I was going to fall apart because I needed to cater to my infant.
In a few weeks we had fallen into a routine. In this age
of technology, I had come to rely on apps to save the day. I had the ‘what to
expect’ app telling me about milestones and I read other mummy’s experiences
whenever there was something new happening with Boobman. I had the
breastfeeding app to time feedings, monitor sleep routines, record poos and
pees. I also had the ‘Babysparks’ app that suggested different activities to
engage baby during the day.
Life with a newborn became interesting and anytime anyone
asked me how it was, my response was, fantastic. My body had adjusted to waking
when he wakes for feeds. And against advice, I employed a full attachment
parenting style.
I think when it comes to parenting, we judge ourselves
too much. And people judge us too. Mummies are sometimes subconsciously
comparing their kid’s growth and development with that of others in their age
group.
You could be standing in the hospital or a supermarket with your infant
in hand and a complete stranger will walk up to you and tell you how to hold
your baby right. Or you visit family and they tell you your baby looks hungry and
you are not feeding him well.
Then there is the matter of exclusive
breastfeeding. It seems like this ‘cool club’ a new mummy has to be a part of.
I went to the hospital when Boobman was four months old for his checkup and the
doctor asked if I was breastfeeding exclusively, I responded in the affirmative
and the next thing she asked if I was sure with a smile. I’m like TF???
We ought to take it easy with ourselves when raising a
new life. A mummy of four once told me to let my intuition lead. She said people
will show up with all sorts of advice and counsel but I ought to listen to what
my gut says. And whether during omugwo or not, I should only allow what I’m
comfortable with to be done to my baby.
Booobman will be six months in a few days and I have learnt
in this short time that when it comes to a baby, the mummy knows what it needs.
I have also learnt that our journeys are different and no two babies are alike.
What works for Boobman at five months may not work for Mrs Jones’ kid even if
they were born on the same day. I also know the journey for new moms are
different too. While labour was easy for Mrs Jones, it was terrible for Mrs
Brown. And Mrs Ark having a caesarean section doesn’t mean the birth of her
child isn’t worthy because it wasn’t a vaginal birth.
Finally, while some have the omugwo for three months at
least, others may have six weeks, yet some may be left to figure it out with
the hubby or by themselves in the case of single mothers. It is all worthy,
they are all variations of normal and we are all doing the best we can. In the
end, we should be thankful for healthy babies and for babies that didn’t die in
the womb or at birth.
To omugwo or not to omugwo still remains my question…
P.S: Is it just me or did you feel like your baby was yours
and no one else’s (even the hubby) after you birth her/him?
Cheers.
KendrickzMa
Culled from Ese Walter’s blog
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