I’m a woman and I’ll be the first to admit that women are very possessive creatures. I’d be lying if I said I never felt like doing this to someone else:
We’ve all been there. There is always that one woman who immediately turns into an ice queen upon the very sight of you, despite you having done absolutely nothing to wrong her in any way. Well, I’ll let you in on a secret:
She hates you because you’re awesome.
Wait, let’s back up. I need to ask you a question. Are you arrogant, manipulative, self-entitled, passive-aggressive, judgmental, rude, or unpleasant?
If your answer is yes, please work on your personality and then report back to me..If your answer is “why, certainly not!” then read on. This is for you and all the other nice and sweet ladies out there who, for the life of them, cannot figure out why other women suddenly turn frosty in their presence.
It’s not you; it’s them.
While there are some beautiful, supportive, and secure women roaming the earth (a shout out to my wonderful female friends!) most women are just catty creatures by nature.
Sorry, but it’s true. Women are inherently jealous, competitive, and sometimes insecure. I realize that I’m treading dangerous territory by admitting this, but stay with me for a minute before you assemble a mob and come looking for me with pitchforks and shovels.
Anyone who has been to a high school cafeteria has witnessed brutal female competition firsthand, but in other places, such as an office setting, it’s far more subtle and indirect.
Why is that?
It’s human nature to be competitive. It’s impossible not to feel inclined to compete with someone else at some point in your life. Unfortunately, we live in a society where it’s still socially acceptable for men to directly express their competitive nature while this quality is deemed undesirable in women.
So what do we ladies do? We manipulate, lash out at others, or turn on ourselves. We ultimately fail to face our competitive feelings directly or to learn to deal with them in a positive way. This results in a slew of catty, gossipy, passive-aggressive behavior in young girls, teenaged girls, adult women, and even wise old ladies.
When another woman feels threatened by you, her first reaction is to put you down as much as she can. She wants to cast a negative light on you to prevent you from rising above her. She does this by using her power to sabotage you.
Such instances include a mother using her position as the boss to fire the nanny, a coworker using her solid reputation at work to throw the new employee under the bus, and a sister using her brother’s love and trust to convince him to break up with his girlfriend.
It has ALWAYS amazed me that women are each other’s biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others faults and nit-pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give, and then we step over her and call her worthless.
I have to wonder, since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don’t like?
What has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along or unify to support one another? Everybody seems to be out for self while other groups unite against us. Nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.
Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich, handsome, husband… this does not mean that you should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income-based housing struggling to keep her lights on.
Money alone doesn’t make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn’t keep you satisfied, beauty doesn’t make you any less insecure, fame doesn’t make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a better judge of character.
Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I’m not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony, but that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don’t know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. If we would spend 1/3 of the time spent tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, and show love, we could truly make a difference.
PLEASE don’t be the straw that breaks another woman’s back. There is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, [and] prayer.
So why is it so hard for some women (myself very much included) to foster and gain positive long-term friendships with each other?
The initial response would be petty jealousy, arrogance and confrontational behavior, systemic roadblocks that were put in place long before this generation was born.
Instead of cutting each other underfoot for the slightest of infractions, we need to appreciate the complexities of our differing experiences, appearances and preferences.
When will we replace our hip-swerving, eye-rolling bitching with a genuine sisterhood that’s unwavering in its devotion? Sadly, We are responsible for our downfall..
Truth is, we are sometimes our own worst enemy. We notice that in the workplace women are sometimes the ones derailing other sisters.
Certainly we’ve been guilty of tearing each other down in our personal relationships as well, even fighting over a sorry man who tried to play us against each other. But with all the challenges facing us, it’s more important than ever that we as women make a conscious decision to support, love and affirm one another at work, in our communities, in our churches and in our organizations. It’s time for us to wake up to the fact that our problem isn’t between us; it’s with all the forces that teach us to undermine one another instead of pulling together to strengthen us all. Whatever happened to lifting each other as we climb?
Now, I’m not saying we’re all going to get along all the time, but if we can cherish and accept our sisters as we would want to be cherished and accepted, we will go a long way in setting a new tone in our often-fractured relationships.
If we can stop the sideways glancing when one of us walks into a room, if we can stop the head-to-toe assessment of others in the party, if we can stop calling people out behind their backs-while smiling in their faces-if we can put an end to all that, we can start to reclaim the spirit of our sisterhood.
Let’s begin by greeting one another with open arms and minds and stop assuming that we’re out to get one another. The next time a sister you don’t know walks into a room, the next time a sister you’ve never met starts working at your job, go out of your way to introduce yourself and give her a compliment. You just may make a loyal new friend.
While there are some beautiful, supportive, and secure women roaming the earth (a shout out to my wonderful female friends!) most women are just catty creatures by nature.
Every woman is fighting her own battle, no matter how many desirable traits she has.
Don’t think that other women may hate you because of your flaws; it’s because they want to have what you have, may it be your beauty, intelligence, strength, work ethic, confidence, body, radiant personality, or wealth. In this case, my best advice to you is to keep on being your awesome self and just try your best to ignore any negativity directed at you. They’re just jealous and there’s nothing you can do about it.
It' so sad when this negativity starts from home, where blood sisters are in competition with each other and a mother feels same way with the daughter..how do we build a society of love for each other?
I am just a dreamer, I crave this love, crave this union, this togetherness but I don't get it..I have never gotten it..but now I can smile because strangers have become sisters where siblings failed due to this competitive nature."
Theresa Ugwuanyi
~mothertessie
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